Tears welled up in my eyes.this time it gonna be real..no more empty promises..i m lettinq go nn it does hurts me.memories that we once shared kept flashinq thru my mind..playinq back over nn over aqain..indeed those were fond memories but it’s all in e past..i m lettinq go now..biddinq farewell 2 euu..thanks 4 beinq there 4 mii on tue..euu were by my side 2 share e verdict of my results..those words of encouragement from ya means a lot.thanks..i had been crackinq my brain wat 2 get 4 ya cuz ur bdae is next mth..since I meetinq euu soon so I miqht as well qet euu a present as I don think we will be seeinq each other that often too..i really had no idea wat 2 get 4 ya at all..clothes??but wat type..in e end,thouqht of qettinq euu tit bits instead..cuz euu told me euu always search 4 food in e middle of e nitez nn in e end,u finished up all e food..euu r kinda of lazy 2 top it up too..so I was thinkinq of qettinq euu that so that euu can eat..but of cuz it’s kinda of weird..give tit bits as bdae present..euu r not kid too..definitely a clothes wld be more presentable..euu were still very nice to mii..when I juz give a casual remark such as I m hungry,euu offer 2 brinq me out 4 supper thouqh is like 4 plus in e morninq..euu said euu wld ask me out 2 west mall 4 dinner nn move cuz euu noe I cant qo hm late nn is near my house..all this is enough 4 mii..at least I noe we r still frds..euu got ur own life now nn so do i..hope that euu will find e gal of ur life soon..i will be happy 4 ya..really..qonna sincerely qive euu my utmost blessinq..not that I tryinq 2 act noble..i m not..i juz hope that euu can be happy..
I told ya that I can make it on sat..i did went thru lots of trouble..tellinq my parents etc..thinqs seem to be happeninq so that we cant meet..my aunt cominq over 2 my house this sat..initially my parents don allow me 2 qo out at all..i told them..i told euu le..don wish 2 break it..i m thinkinq twice now..shld I qo??I don even had an ans myself..thanks jx 4 beinq there 4 mii..love ya lots..
Tryinq 2 erase euu from my memory..it had been there 4 pretty lonq..4 yrs plus..time 2 qo too..every1 had been tellinq me..it’s time 2 let qo..i still chose 2 hold on 2 it..shld euu say I m stubborn or determined..tis is mii..haha..
Hope euu nv get 2 read this entry at all..that niqht euu asked me m I in love..i told euu I m not..later in e nitez euu were so curious so euu decide 2 asked me who m I referring to..my personal nick..i wrote
If only euu were like e past,thinqs wld be much easier now..but that doesn’t mean I gonna give euu up..
Euu seemed determined 2 find out e ans nn so do I determined 2 keep it fr ya.euu kept askinq me whether do euu noe e person..i chose 2 chanqe topic instead of answerinq ya..in e end,euu told me..euu ridiculously found out e ans..i was shocked..wonderinq wat euu gonna say next..then told me euu remembered alan tellinq euu once that I had been sinqle since we break up..gosh..euu said I noe it..i suppose euu noe who’s e person le..then u kept on laughin nn laughin..tellinq me that ur mummy night think euu r crazy cuz euu kept facin e com nn laugh..it got me tense up nn paranoid..haha..
I qonna bloq down e memories that we once shared cuz I cant remember much of it le..so qonna note down those that I can still remember..
We started off on e 18 sept..i think shld be cuz I nv take note of e date..euu r always e 1 who pay attention 2 it..euu plucked up e courage 2 ask me that qn cuz alan gave euu e couraqe to..u sms 2 ask me that..i took sometimes 2 reply nn euu said euu noe my ans which is no..i didn’t even reply euu anythinq yet..i suppose alan was our matchmaker..he was e 1 who asked me give euu a chance too..i remembered b4 euu asked me that qn..euu called me lots of times but euu cldn’t brinq urself 2 ask it..i knew wat euu gonna ask but I pretend not to noe..we got 2gether..i wasn’t used 2 e life whereby there is some1 2 show me so much concern other than my family members..that time, I didn’t like euu at all..i remembered yan yi told mii that we wont last more than a wk cuz I don feel happy nor anythinq when we got 2gether..but as days passed by,I do have feelinqs 4 euu le..euu were hurt nn sad 2 noe that I don like euu..but in e end..i did fallen into e pit of love..i wld missed call ur phone nn I will call ur house so as 2 let euu noe I m callinq..that’s our style..haha..we wld chat on phone every night..euu can be so sleepy nn yet euu cant bear 2 put down e phone..so as a result,u fallen aslp holdinq on 2 e phone..i knew it..cuz when I chat with ya..euu didn’t ans me back.. euu will come over 2 my house durinq sch holi 2 play play station with alan nn mii..we wld played tetris,gem fighter etc 2gether..so now whenever,I play super gem fighter with my frds..it actually reminds me of ya..we will go library 2gether,rot 2gether at e mega popular,spend time in e cyber café playinq neo pets..watchinq euu play basketball with jin de..those were e places that we went..we r not like any other couples that qo watch movie 2gether etc..that time I was studyinq afternoon session..so durin ur recess time,euu wld always call 2 chat with me without fail..think e payphone corner had become ur hangin out place durin recess..haha..euu wld make time 2 pic me up fr sch though u end sch at 6..euu wld rush down all e way fr east coast 2 bukit batok juz 2 fetch mii..but I didn’t appreciate it that time..euu waited 4 mii outside e sch gate..i was shocked 2 cya there..i was afraid too..euu noe that time teachers will object de..so instead of feelinq touched that rush down 2 fetch me,I was damn angry with ya..i went off with Lydia without waitinq 4 ya..at that pt of time, I 4got euu got asthma nn euu r tryin hard 2 catch up with us..euu noe that I m angry..i told my mummy euu came 2 fetched me..she feels that I in wronq..cuz I shld have give euu chance 2 explain..after coolin down,I do realized my mistake too..euu had asthma..i shldn’t have let euu chase nn catch up with mii.i m sorry abt that..euu r always e 1 who put up with my tantrum nn xiao jie bi qi..euu nv once complain..i took all that 4 granted…we argued over tiny matter…I declare cold war..euu called me..i chose not 2 pick up..neither do I reply ur sms..i made euu cry..i feel bad after that..due 2 my childishness,we break nn patch,break nn patch..cuz I cant bear 2 cya gettinq upset nn skippin ur meal..so we patched back again..we do went thru a lot..we didn’t get shaken though there r others ppl wooin us too..i always wanted 2 give euu 2 others..i noe that gal like euu..i told euu..if euu like her then go 4 it..i even once gave euu up 2 my best frd,,I noe that she likes euu..juz that she nv say it..euu asked me..is it that euu not handsome enough or euu didn’t give me e best..if not y r u always givin me up 2 others..it hurts me 2 hear him say that..i m always e 1 who hurt him..
I suppose euu don noe..e 1st time that we were apart was e time euu goin on cruise 4 holi..i cried after w e put down e phone..i cant bear 2 let euu go..that was e 1st time I cried over ya..euu wld even call me when I go my granny house..if not we will sms each other..i remembered that time..my mummy’s hp global sms was over a thousand..my daddy was angry..haha..i bought euu a horoscope key chain,,I gave half 2 euu..i still finid it amused by how euu gave me e other half of ur horoscope key chain..euu nn jin de actually came 2 my house nn threw it at e shoes rack there..haha..euuu bought me 8250 cuz u wan me 2 hang e keychain on it..i noe euu work hard in order 2 get me e phone..u work 4 ur aunt..euu sold away ur fav card..juz 2 get e phone..once we didn’t c each other 4 nearly 2 mths??cuz ur great grand mother passed away..then Chinese superstitious..say it will bring bad luck or sth..cuz of that,we didn’t c each other 4 nearly 2 mths..once I were sick..mummy brought me 2 c doctor..euu came 2 find mii..euu bought me a 4ever frd bear..it looks lovely..e nurse saw it nn immediately asked me is e bear given by ur bf??I kept quiet..haha..too shy 2 sayy anything..euu bought me me to euu bears too..” S H I R L E”but sadly 2 sayy no “Y”..euu even called e manufacturer..so u decide 2 give me “ SHIR” instead as is my nick name as well..
Euu gave me a bouquet of pink roses nn a box of heart shape ferro rocher 4 valentine’s dae gift..we didn’t spend v dae 2gether as it was durin new yr period nn I m at my granny’s house..i noe that dae u skip ur drama lesson 2 come my house 2 give me those..in e end..u even got canninq from ur principal 4 skippin e drama lesson..that’s how strict it was in his sch..that dae was e last time we saw each other I suppose…then after that we break up le..it took me quite sometimes 2 get used 2 e life without euu..i didn’t’ cry..then jin de was afraid that sth happen 2 mii..he told me..juz cry it out..i didn’t..e 2nd time that I cried was when I chatted with ya again after we break up..it was on my bdae..i wans’t happy at all cuz we juz broke up..my parents brought me 2 UK fun fair..we talked a while nn I was very sarcastic 2wards euu..later in e night,we chatted on phone..i cried..useless me..e rest of e days were not any better without him by my side..i took quite sometimes 2 get over my single life again…….we nv contact after that till recently..
all this shall be history nn be kept inside my heart..
3:43 AM
